Ian & Stuart's Australian Mac: Not for Sale/Another.not.for.sale (Australia).iso/hold me in your arms/FactSheet Five/Celtic_Pamplemousse_Reviews

Text File | 1994-10-02 | 14KB | 285 lines

Originally appearing in *Celtic Pamplemousse*, v6.0, a
rantzine covering Don Quixote, the North West Territories,
work slavery and comic fun. Available for a buck or the usual
from Jim Munroe ([e-mail],
[e-mail]) at 66 Greyhound Dr., Willowdale ONT,
M2H 1K3  CANADA.

Polo, Anyone?
a zine review section with nothing to do with polo

Does it seem like a lot?  Think again. These are the culled,
the select, the relatively few--the top dogs of the zine
junkyard, if you will. Exclusion of some very good zines was
painful but necessary for my sanity.
    The unintentional theme for thish is zines by the (cough)
gentle sex, just because so many of them are so fucking good.
Whatever the societal reasons, females are producing zines
whose razor's edge fury incinerate the matchsticks of
complacent Angry Young Men like myself. That I should be
writing this a day before the anniversary for the Montreal
Massacre is a rather unsettling coincidence.
    S=8.5x11, D=5.5x8.5, and send US currency for best
results. All prices are post paid, and most will take trades
of equivilent product. So break out the stamps and envelopes,
kids, and do the dirty deed--in nine months, give or take,
your mailbox will be bloated with the greatest gift of all.
Mail, of course.

Adbusters Vol.2 No.3 ($4.75/S:80p/The Media Foundation, 1243
West 7th Ave., Vancouver, BC, V6H 1B7)
Does the fact that you can't get that fucking Coke jingle out
of your head make you want to kill and cry at the same time?
Unclench your hands from your hair and use them to pick up a
copy of Adbusters. Media analysis that shocks, inspires and
entertains; these folks smash up the advertising
infrastructure and use the bricks to build bunkers against the
upcoming McArmeggedon. Get this before they're liquidated by
agents working in the interests of national security.

Alphabet Threat ($1/11.5x14:16p/3018 J St. #140, Sacramento,
CA 95816)
These nuts go and change their name every time--#1 was
Alphabet Threat, #2 Bicycle Threat, #3 Castration Threat, #4
Deep Threat, #5 Eastern Orthodox Threat--and for that idea
alone this zine is great. It's filled with articles written
by punks on everything from local history to a stroke piece
starring political demigod Noam Chomsky. Opinions offered by
a buncha bright sparks, a celebratory orgy of stories and
ideas that are as spontaneous and fun as a snowball fight. Or,
for the winter impaired, as down-to-earth delicious as a big
ol' sloppy mess of refried beans on toast.

Bizara Summer 1993 ($1/D:24p/Ted Kusio, POB 3118, Albany, NY
12203-0118)
It's absurd. It's deviant. It's almost certainly bad for you.
This is a self-proclaimed pre-issue of #1. It's full of laffs,
funny stories and funny smells. Attempts valiantly to be
irrelevant but fails utterly. New stuff as well as reprints of
similarly ill stuff. Some telling article names: "Terror at
the Inanimate Object Theatre" and "The Birth of Splog." Nifty,
adventurous layout that is bound to get even better with
following issues.

Bruce On A Stick #1-2 ($3/S:19p/POB 416, Tarrytown, NY 10591)
Bruce Campbell, the star of such cult flix as Evil Dead II (a
laffan'ahaff) and Army of Darkness (and now on Fox's The
Adventures of Brisco County Jr.) is the taffy that holds this
mix of schlock culture together.  Wings Hauser, Mark Hamill,
James Dean, and Noah Taylor are some of the other bit players
in this celebration of trash.  This is the genuine article--a
fanzine that's obsessive about something normal people don't
know exist, and having a hell of a good time to boot.  Now
only if someone would do a fanzine about Sherilyn Fenn.

Crash Update ($1/D:16p/519 Castro St. #7, San Francisco, CA
94114)
Sure I'd like to travel... but you need money to do that... or
so say the travel agencies. I've always believed that it was
similar to our culture's plaintif whine that you *need* a car
or *need* a credit card--in other words, utter bunk. With
motivation and wit it is possible to see the world cheaply,
and this zine has practical tips on how to do it and stories
from those who already have. A great article on how to take
the train--hobo style--and information about how to join their
free nation-wide network of crash pads make it well worth the
effort for anyone with wanderlust. For everyone tired of
rip-offs that capitalize on travel dreams, this one delivers.

Dreaming of Oscar #1-2 ($1/D:16p/1374 Virginia Way, La Jolla
CA 92037)
There is only one word that can describe this zine properly...
sublime.  An amazing explosion of creative wit and splendor
that would have gratified Mr. Wilde to no end.   I will sully
it no further with my muddy words, instead giving you
Stephanie and Kristin's own introduction:
You may ask why we choose to dedicate our time to the
frivolous glorification of our friend Oscar. Why, you ask, do
we spend hours thinking about him, why we paste his darling
picture wall upon wall across the town, why we scour the
hillside for the perfect flower. The answer is clear. No other
lad has left a more profound mark upon our lives. This humble
yet smashing publication is our way of showing our love for
the dear British chap.  Always, we are Dreaming Of Oscar.

elf lube #4 (Donation<$1-2?>/D:24p/Rumeli, Hampshire College,
Box 1231, POB 5001, Amherst, MA 01002-5001)
Rumeli writes about sexual problems with candor and insight,
reenergizing this most trivialized and overexposed (but
somehow still sidestepped) topics of human existence. She has
a finely-made soul with rare skill in communicating both
sincerity and wry humour. Her textual and graphical pieces are
works of capital-A-art. As heartbreaking as it is inspiring.

Free Toy Inside #1-2 ($1/4.25x5.5:16p/POB 56565, 8601 Warden
Ave., Unionville ON L3R 0M6)
Karen and Pam's self-avowed "pop culture 'zine & activity
book" is an unashamed celebration of the stuff that too many
people "grow out of." Grimace toothbrushes, cartoons, and
mooning over shempy boys are some interests, as well as an
appreciation of Grunge(c) and Alternative(c) music. But in
case you think it's only amusing fluff, I hasten to mention
the flashes of feminist teeth here and there, a reassuring
grrrowl that shows that it's only *mostly* fun and games.

GirlFrenzy #2 ($4/S:38p/BM Senior, London WC1N 3XX, UK)
"By women for people" is a good way to describe this very
nicely produced collection of comix and articles. It's pro-
queer and pro-woman without being exclusive. Some comic titles
to give you a taste of the type o' fare you can expect--"Bike
Girl in TOP GEAR," "All the Gods are Really Good Looking," and
"Madonna in Space." There's an interview with punk iconoclast
Lydia Lunch, a column on Sexist Shit of the Month, and a well-
thought out article on the insane social mechanisms that make
body hair somehow shameful. Fun and relevant.

Living Free #77 ($1/S:8p/Box 29-LV, Hiler Branch, Buffalo, NY
14223)
This zine offers tips on how to survive with minimal contact
with corporations, governments, and other monolithic bullies.
There are detailed reviews on "The Art & Science of Dumpster
Diving" and "The Libertarian Party and Other Minor Political
Parties" and a reprint about unorthodox uses for self-storage
warehouses. There's also a bunch of contact addresses for
other similarly focused stuff. If you find yourself seething
with resentment over the boss, the taxman and the landlord,
here's an alternative.

Mouth ($3/S:48p/61 Brighton St., Rochester, NY 14607)
After reading four issues of this disablity rights zine, I was
shocked to discover that it had created a Stereotype! Yup, I
now am convinced that all crips can write with sparkling wit
and energetic skill. This zine, each time it comes out, proves
the patronizing elements of society to be murderous idiots.
The writers are not only psychologically "coping"--they're
*thriving.* The horrible stories of charity scams and
institutionalized abuse shows that if the system can't suck
money out of you, it wants to destroy you. But despite (or
perhaps because of) all of this, the zine is suffused with an
ironic humour that is as irreverent as it is fresh.
"Differently Abled?" Fuck you. Piss on pity.

Our Noise #1-2 ($2/D:44p/736 St. Andrews Rd., Suite 117,
Columbia, SC 29210)
Jeff's got a good thing going here, a serialized work of
fiction with a large cast of twenty-something characters.
None of them really want to settle down and strap their noses
to the old grindstone, using music, zines, and youth culture
to avoid facing the Real World. I could relate. Lots of
Generation X nostalgia for the 80's--but fuck, at least it's
romanticising my sappy cultural past and not my parents' glory
days.

Ralph (SASE or IRC/D:4p/505-1288 Broughton St., Vancouver, BC
V6G 2B5)
"Coffee, Jazz, & Poetry" is the subheading for this kool
single sheet zine. The poetry is minimalist and lyrical, short
and sweet numbers by the musically inspired Ralph. But the
real beauty is in the layout and production--funky fonts and
graphics are generated on a laser printer and then hand
printed on 1950s Gestetner duplicating machines! The colour
and texture of the inks are blotchily beautiful and unique in
our Xerox age.

Schwa ($6/5.5x7:38p/Box 6064, Reno, NV 89513-6064)
Graphic novel about an alien invasion of a planet of stick
people, told in stark and simple black and white
illustrations. Slowly the totalizing influence of the aliens
enters the stick people's most private corners--their dreams,
their moans of ecstacy--and the battle's been lost, the mop up
an afterthought. It's obvious that the aliens are a metaphor
for something, but what? After all, *we* live in a *free*
society. So this book is hardly relevant to our wonderfully
wonderful lives--but if you're not fully convinced, send the
above address an SASE for further information and hyperneat
junk. Man, reviewing is hard work. I could go for a Coke right
about now.

Slubbberdegullion #5-7 ($1/S:10p/9 Windsor Green, East
Garforth, Leeds LS25 2LG. UK)
Nigel's zine seems to come out of the science fiction
tradition in the same way that *Celtic Pamplemousse* comes out
of the punk tradition--that is, if you weren't told you
probably wouldn't know. Naturally, logic being the way it is,
he talks about music more than I, and I blither on longer
about s-f. He talks around his life as a part-time computer
guy and full-time cynic--and does so with caustic
deconstructionism and smutty innuendo. Anyone who can make
footnotes worth referring to, and admits that his every
thought is "coyly encased in distancing, ironic, self-
referential quotation marks" deserves a plug. So: "I" think
"it's" "very" "good."

.tiff v1-v1.3 ($1/7.5x8.5:24p/POB 97011-149 Roncesvalles Ave.,
Toronto M6R 3B3)
This zine's got a machine soul. If you can't understand how I
could mean that in a good way, then you just don't get it. It
covers "people.places.machines" and is full of just that;
stuff about humans as well as their tools. Autumn, coffee,
urban trekking with a splendid techipster voice. Far more
cyberpunk than the latest Terminator clone.

Underground #1 ($2-3/1.5ftx2ft(!):8p/POB 613, London, SE229QT
UK)
The odd yet exhilirating mix of radical politics and violent
humour that's rarely successfully exported out of the UK is
the force behind this paper. "We paid for this paper with your
hard-earned taxes, produced it on the equipment of management
and pasted it up on the floors of council flats we got by
having mixed gender illegitimate kids." Snappy ads and
graphics incite instead of insult the media-wise brain,
articles too. Scum Get Computers, Hack A New Version of
Reality v1.0, the infamous tabloids should scream. Also
affiliated with one of the best named bbs's: Fast Breeder.

Wag #2-4 ($2-3/3.5x4.25:50p/1900 Main St. W. #104, Hamilton,
ON L8S 4R8)
This is a personal projects among personal projects: that
ain't printers ink you smell, it's love and sweat. Each of
these colour, printed booklets (and I do mean book-lets;
they've got *spines*) have an individual, unique watercolour
on the inset page, alone worth $2. But you also get a fine
collection of comics and stories--some from kids, some for
kids, some crime fiction--well, no, that didn't fit, but this
is the kinda mixed bag zaniness we're dealing with here. It
makes me happy on all kinds of levels.

William Wants a Doll #2-3 ($1+SASE/D:30p/105 Patton Blvd., New
Hyde Park, NY 11040)
Arielle's a cut and paste vixen, a personable zinester with a
passle of interests she wants you to have, too. Lotsa pop
culture fun that you wouldn't want to admit to having in front
of the cafe crowd--articles called "Pure TV Love," "Cartoon
Crushworthy" tell all about the neat treatures hidden in plain
view at the bottom of the mainstream, and a huge amount of
reviews of zines, music, films. And good too, since I sent out
for quite a few zines and watched one of the movies.

World Domination Review #2, 8-9 ($1/S:10p/5825 Balsam Rd. #4,
Madison WI 53711)
This "Journal of Amateur Paranoia" is a collection of articles
and essays to titter nervously at. Is it real, surreal or
Memorex? And if so, has the tape been doctored? Past issues
include the rules to "The Conspiracy Game" and reviews of
books written by the patron saint of paranoia, Phil K. Dick.
He'd be reading WDR today... if they hadn't killed him.

Withering Snout #2 ($1/S:12p/90-11 35th Ave.#3N, Jackson Hts.,
NY 11372)
This handwritten zine is one ugly motherfucker. But it's also
funny as all get out. Lissin ta this intro:
I hope you're happy now. I'm not happy. My rubber rat isn't
happy. The household rabbit is smiling upside down something
wicked. Why should you be happy, fuckaroonies? You haven't
even tasted the persnickety & precious beatitude that is this
zine. Yet. So why the fuck are you smiling? Huh? Oh is that
right. Oh are you smirking. Okay poopynostrils wanna step
outside. It took how many untold generations of inbreeding for
you to get this spunky? Yeah, I'm swell like that. Yeah.
What'd you say? Thought so. Go play with your fearsome array
of lawn ornaments.
If you don't appreciate that, then you can... ah, you can
go... um... have fun with your... eh--scary garden gnomes?...
and... ah, fuck it. How can you follow a line like that?